Table Tennis Tournament: Project Awesome

And so it was, on the 10th Feb, 2008, Matt and i entered a table tennis tournament. Training for about a month before-hand, we made sure we could hit the ball hard, flat, top-spin, side spin, back-spin and loop-the-loop. We were in the gym four days a week working on our muscular physique, and were in tip-top shape, ready to play.

Not knowing much about the tournament, we entered and decided to dominate, killing off any opposition with cunning and a large dollop of malice.


Having given my Australian Socceroo's jersey to Matt a while back, Matty thought it'd be a good idea to give me a US Soccer jersey, so we could both look the part. And boy did we ever! As we entered the warehouse turned table tennis centre, everyone stopped, all balls fell to the ground (table tennis balls) and people dropped their paddles, never had such a handsome duo set foot in such a nerdy place. There was complete silence while we registered and took a table to warm up.We were told who would be up first, Matty was chosen to be up against a guy who went by the name of 'Staaz'. Matty soon cleaned up this 11 y/o 3-0, and it was then my turn to crank up the heat and punish this kid for ever setting foot on the court with me. I polished him off 3-0.

My next opponent was another kid, he had a pretty mean fore-hand if i put it out there for him, so i didn't. I kept it hard and flat right at his body, he limped off the court losing 3-0 and suffering ball sized bruises all over his chest.Matty and i were relentless, after dominating all 5 competitors under the age of 12, we faced off, old school style. We went to five sets, playing long, hard points and each not being able to kill off the other. Right at the end of the fifth set, i smacked one hard into Matty's left eye, seeking to gain the advantage. Almost losing an eye, Matty conceded, and i pranced mightily around the court, jeering and giving the old 'how's your father' sign to the crowd! It was then time to face the eventual winner's of the tournament, two Asian people! Although we put up a mighty effort, Matt and I both lost 3-0 to both of them.

The trophies were awarded, though the
runner's up decided to be generous (silly fool!) and hand over the trophy to the third place getter, ME! and i happily accepted! My young opponents all tried to shake my hand, i did so, and lightly tapped each on the skull with my new piece of mantle-candy!And so endeth the tournament, and all were pleased... well, maybe just me.